About a week and a half ago, TKP and I splurged on some of the big ol' couch seats at the local cinema and went to see Babel. You'll not find a review of it here, mostly because the subtitles were all in Japanese, so I spent a lot of the time trying to translate both in my head and aloud on the fly, which isn't exactly prime a prime viewing scenario, to say the least. Afterwards, we were talking about what a great job the kids did, and how Dakota Fanning's little sister is as good as she is herself. One thing led to another and soon I was googling and reading my old Collegian review of Man On Fire.

Fast forward to this past Thursday, when Amy, TKP and I went to see Spider-Man 3 (before it opened back home - w00t!). Two movies in as many weeks, and when their powers combine... I AM CAPTAIN PLANET... I mean, I am ready to be an armchair critic again. Without further ado, here is your review of Evil Dead 12, AKA Spider-Man 3.

Calling every Sam Raimi film another Evil Dead seems corny and/or snarky whenever you do so. And then you think about the film and you realize that in so many respects, it's really not that far from the truth. This is particularly true of Spider-Man 3, at least visually. All the other critics rave about how the film is a "special-effects powerhouse," and they'll go on and on about how the Sandman is so incredible. They're right to do so, but they completely miss the fact that the stunning CGI's primary purpose has been to finally let Sam Raimi do with the virtual camera what no amount of rigs, tracks and rails would ever let him do on film, no matter how hard he tried. From the near-nauseating opening chase sequence to the final explosive tag-team bout, all I could think of was, "Wow. So this is what he'd been trying to do all along."

The camerawork, however, is not the only thing that makes S-M 3 another Evil Dead. The requisite appearance by Bruce Campbell is no longer a cameo - it's long enough to get him billed in the opening titles. Peter Parker's (Tobey Maguire) turn toward the dark side is the winking, self-effacing camp straight from Army of Darkness. And Brock's (Topher Grace) vocal effects when he became Venom were so derivative he might as well have just gone ahead and read the Necronomicon first.

But enough about whether this is the 3rd film in a series or the 12th, on to the nitty-gritty. Is it good? Yes. Great? Nah. You can just hit up Rotten Tomatoes to hear about how it didn't have enough plot for its length. This didn't bother me much because, well, I watched several seasons of the cartoon series as a child. It was years before MJ even found out about Peter's alter-ego. I was more bothered by the fact that Brock is played by Topher Grace. As in, "Hi! I'm TV's Topher Grace. You probably remember me from That 70s Show. We sure had some fun times in that basement, but you know what's never fun? Getting infected by a malicious alien symbiont." This casting choice had the double no-no of the fact that Eddie Brock is supposed to be abnormally buff, and that Topher Grace is never supposed to be blonde or in any film that's not a teen romantic comedy. That aside, the casting worked as well as ever, and good performance kudos should be passed all around. Bonus points are also awarded for the reappearance of the Hobgoblin in such a fashion that, for the first time ever, I didn't say, "Hey! Christopher Walken!"

Despite an overlong, under-themed story line with more than a sprinkling of schmaltz, Spider-Man 3 is worth a viewing, and on the big screen. Go see it - you'll have fun. And toss back 4 Newcastles (out of 5) with your buddies while you talk about it (or watch Army of Darkness) afterwards. I'll buy the next virtual round for the first person to name the tune the marching band plays when Spidey gets the key to the city.

Ahh, it's good to be back. Feel free to play Langsather/Heitzman to my, well, me in the comments. You should also take a look at Herr Martin Luther's review for a nice overview of the film's morally redeeming qualities as well.

PS